something to hide || for warisfair

[mistereames]

[ooc: the beginning of this thread/the reason this post actually exists: erik v. war]

*Eames is an anxious man. It's highly unlikely for him to make it one day without panicking about something, whether it be work or self or War related. He tries to control the stress by gambling, smoking, and occasionally drinking himself silly. (None of the above are particularly healthy and all of the above are annoyingly inconsistent.) Since War came into his life, he's had less time to maintain said habits; and kissing when you taste like smoke isn't always fun for the other party. Sure, War indulges from time to time with a cigarette or a glass of whiskey, but he isn't like Eames (used to be).

He's quiet about everything. Eames isn't sure he can describe him as 'secretive', because he is able to get things out of him. Also, he's War. Every time he has a hissy fit, the whole damn world knows. There are many, many things Eames doesn't know about his "boyfriend". A lot of good ones (his favorite anything) and lot of bad ones, he's sure. He doesn't know if War actually enjoys smoking or drinking or kissing. It could all be an act.

He's is far from surprised to find himself alone late on a Saturday night. This happens often. But he still worries. He still waits.*

Comments

[mistereames]

*kisses his forehead and stays still, scared to grab his hands back* I've got you. I've got you...

[warisfair]

*shakes his head* No, no... *inhales sharply again and winces at the pain from his ribs* I need to... I need to...

[mistereames]

*looks stuck and scared* You need to what?

[warisfair]

*bites his tongue* Sit.... and t-talk.

[mistereames]

*helps him inside very carefully and moves pillows aside so he can sit* A-about this?

[warisfair]

*lowers himself down slowly, face full of undeniable pain as he does so* A... about u-us and t-this and... everything.

[mistereames]

*sighs shakily and stays standing* About... u-us?

[warisfair]

*lifts his eyes* R-Roland... You... You shouldn't be with me.

[mistereames]

*opens his mouth before closing it again* W...what are you... talking about?

[warisfair]

I'm n-not... I'm not someone... something you should be with. I'm not g-good for you. I'm not... I'm not supposed to be cared about. It's impossible. It's not good for y-you.

[mistereames]

W-what... *closes his eyes* What are you talking about?

[warisfair]

I'm War, Roland. *tries to move into a better sitting position and hisses, the pain flaring up all over his body causing his eyes to water* The world hates me. The universe hates me. No one is supposed to like me. I wasn't supposed to even get close to any of-- ... anyone. I'm not meant to live life like this. I don't deserve it.

[mistereames]

Yes, you-- Yes you do. You do... you do deserve this. You're... you're different. You've ch-changed.

[warisfair]

*laughs but it sounds harsh and painful* No, I don't. It doesn't m-matter. I've done terrible things, Landry. Nothing can change how I've d-damaged so many lives, how I've ruined so many souls.

why did 'landry' hurt the way it did

[mistereames]

*shakes his head* You... You're different. You can't... you can't leave me.

i'm so sorry but i had to throw it in

[warisfair]

I have to. *lifts his eyes and looks almost pleadingly at Eames* Don't you get it? I'm not supposed to be loved. I'm not supposed to have relationships or friendships or... anything. I don't deserve it. I'm meant to stay alone forever.

Re: it's okay sldkfjg

[mistereames]

*holds his breath for a second* No. No.

[warisfair]

I ran into someone that I... I ruined his life, Eames. He.. he d-did this to me because I deserve this and so much worse. I... I c-caused him a lifetime of pain and suffering. He lost his whole family because of me. He lost his childhood because of me. He lost everything because of me.

I ruin everything good, Eames. I'm not allowed to let myself have this. I can't-- I can't have this. It's not right.

[mistereames]

*This is where Eames runs out of things to say. He runs out of points to argue. War is war and he knows that every contribution he has made to the world has been negative. It's been destructive and painful and bad and there is no way for Eames - Eames, who is really good at talking - to convince War or himself otherwise. But he still loves him. He loves him unconditionally.*

Why can't I... why can't I have this? Can't you give this to me?

[warisfair]

*War squeezes his eyes shut, unable to fight against the pain spreading through his body. He really should've gone to a hospital but, of course, he choose to come here. He choose to come see Eames and didn't that just scream that there was something wrong with this picture.*

I... Fuck, Roland, I can't bring you down with me. *he wants to protect Eames, he wants to keep Eames from being a part of his horrible reputaton because Eames doesn't deserve this; Eames deserves the best in the world*

[mistereames]

*Eames notices the discomfort and his breath catches in the back of his throat.*

I need to take c-care of you. You need... You need... F-fuck.

[warisfair]

*He shakes his head, which causes more pain to shoot through his body. It's getting really hard to breath at this point but he needs to convince Eames to let go, needs to make Eames see the light.*

N-no. No. You need to l-leave me. You need to... to leave... me.

[mistereames]

I don't want to, asshole. I don't want to leave you. I know who you are and I know what you've done but I love you. Nothing's going to change that. Nothing is ever going to change that, darling, and leaving me would be entirely fucking selfish of you. Don't do this to me. I will fight for you. I'll fight for you until the end. You know that. I love you. I'm not lying. I love you.

[warisfair]

*Whether it's from Eames' words or just the fact that his body is going into total attack mode to try to heal quicker, War can't be sure but now... now he really can't breathe. He can't breathe. He tries to take deep breaths but it's impossible. He's choking on air and nothing and everything hurts so fucking much and he's reaching for Eames, clinging onto this man.... this stupid, so stupid but beautiful man. He wants to use words. Wants to yell and argue and fight but he can't get any air into his lungs to do so.*

[mistereames]

War... *pulls back* War, Jesus, darling, breathe. Can't you breathe? Can you not-- Fuck. We have to go to the hospital.

[warisfair]

*The second Eames pulls away, the pain increases and even though it seemed impossible, it gets harder to breathe. His hands dig into Eames' shirt and pull him close again, face burying against his chest. He's shaking so much. He's never been in this sort of condition before. He doesn't know what to do. He doesn't know how to heal. All he knows is that he needs Eames close. He needs him close or else everything really is going to fall apart.*

[mistereames]

*Eames squeezes his eyes shut, knits his brow, and draws in an unsteady breath.*

I have to take care of you. I won't let go. But I have to take care of you, darling.

[warisfair]

*He manages to nod, giving Eames permission to do whatever needs to be done. His fingers continue to grip tightly to the man's shirt, though. He's not going to let go easily, which he can't help but laugh at in his mind because wasn't he just trying to make Eames let go?

[mistereames]

*He kisses the corner of his mouth as carefully as he can and starts to stand up with War in his arms; he's got to get him to the hospital because he has no way of taking care of this here.*

A-alright, darling, we h-have to... *moves away from the couch, still holding on without squeezing* ...get downstairs.

[warisfair]

*Each movement is painful and War is pretty sure that the minimal healing he had managed to perform on himself earlier is becoming undone now by his lack of power and it takes extreme effort to not cry out in pain. His grip on Eames continues to get tighter though; the only indication he'll get as to how bad the pain is.*

[mistereames]

*Eames is really panicking now because he knows he's got to be quick, but he knows he can't be quick without hurting War. He knows the pain is getting worse. He doesn't know what to do.*

[warisfair]

*Letting out the smallest of whimpers, War presses his lips to Eames' ear shakily and mumbles.* Just do it.

[mistereames]

*His breath catches in his throat yet again and his fingers curl more tightly into the fabric of War's shirt.* Do what?

[warisfair]

*grunt of pain* Get me out of here.

[mistereames]

Okay. Okay. I can... *inhales* do that. *lifts him up and just about carries him to the door*

[warisfair]

*grunts again and clenches his teeth, fingers digging into Eames' shoulder*